T is for...Today!

T is for…Today!

October 15^th is Stillborn and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. In the US and Canada this day is set aside to remember and honor those babies that have been lost due to miscarriage, SIDS, complications in pregnancy and ectopic pregnancy.

I am sure that there are a lot of moms and dads out there that we don’t even know about who have suffered a loss. Some choose to talk about their loss while others choose to keep it inside. I am not saying that either way is the “right” way. I just want people to be sensitive to both ways.

On this day, we are all asked to light a candle to remember these babies.

Today I was feeling bad for myself.

Recently I have begun to worry about my weight gain with this pregnancy. I was told that it is typical to gain upwards of 60 pounds with twins. That’s a lot!

I decided to torture myself today and try on a pair of jeans that I had shoved to the back of my closet. I will not make that mistake again. I was in tears as I pulled the jeans up to my butt…and that was where they stopped. It was just a few months ago that I was wearing them!

There are so many side effects that a woman’s body goes through that are rather quite frightening.

On the flip side, it gives me chills when I go to the doctor and hear two amazing heart beats…and now as I am starting to feel their movements.

As I stood there and starred at myself in the mirror I realized something. I am carrying 2 babies. I am doing something that some women never have the chance to do. I am doing something that has been taken away from so many people.

Pregnancy is truly a miracle.

Am I getting big?…yes.

Am I seeing the scale move up, up, up?…yes.

Will I get stretch marks in places I didn’t know stretch marks could happen?…yes.

Will I be able to carry and hold and love the most amazing gift that God can give someone?…yes.

I don’t like being pregnant…but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love my unborn children unconditionally.

So, I backed away from the mirror, hoisted up my adjustable waistband pants and moved on for the day. The cute jeans will stay at the back of my closet…maybe forever. It doesn’t matter. I realized today…after having 3 children…that it doesn’t matter.

I started lighting my candle today. I know…I am a day early. However, it is NEVER too early to remember the babies that people have lost.

I am a lucky woman. I will cherish my gifts from God. I will love my body as it progresses.

John 10:10 sums up my thoughts: “I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

I ask you to please light a candle on October 15^th to remember the sweet babies that we don’t get to hold. And also their families that were never able to have them.

My mom always says that God only gives us babies on loan. I believe that.

S is for...Surprise!

S is for…Surprise!

I knew that something was different the second I found out I was pregnant. I started getting bigger IMMEDIATELY…and I was so sick I couldn’t stand it! Ben said  “it’s because you have been pregnant before.” I knew something was different. And, I was completely unable to predict a gender. Usually I am dead on when it comes to that. This time, I went back and forth. Never able to pin one down.

I have to back track just a tiny bit. In June, right after Carson turned one, Ben and I decided that 3 children was a fantastic number for us. So after shedding a few tears (okay lots) I packed up my baby things and sold everything.

SURPRISE!!!

I kept this pregnancy a secret until I was able to visit the clinic up here. They said I didn’t need an ultrasound so early that my due date was March. I came home that night, and planned out a scavenger hunt for Ben to do. I figured a fun way to tell him would MAYBE lighten up the shock. As he worked his way through my easy scavenger hunt I became more and more aware of how it was not going to lighten the mood. The last clue read “We are having another baby!!” And he said “I already knew.” For those of you who know Ben, that is as excited as the man gets.

Now that he knew, I was slightly relieved...however I still felt like something was different. Ben told me no more with the clinic in International Falls. I made an appointment in Duluth and our entire family drove down.

They did an ultrasound immediately. They put the doppler down and I saw that there was two sacks. I started to cry and was completely unable to form words. Upon my crying, all three of my children broke down as well. My ever stable husband just stared at the monitor, unable to move. The ultrasound tech started rubbing my back and telling me to lie back down because she thought she saw a third sack. WHAT?!!? Turns out it was not…but WOW!!.

I am surviving this SURPRISE quite well (as is Ben). Carter thinks that we should name them both Cooper so that we don’t confuse them. Olivia wants to name them Charlotte and Isabella. Carson doesn’t have a clue what he is in for.

I have learned as well as heard a few things…ready?!?

Twin hormones are completely on steroids!  I am a MESS…repeat…A MESS!!!

Even though they are in different sacks, they could still be identical. Barring they are the same gender.

Sonograms cannot tell if twins are identical or fraternal

Only 14% of moms carry twins past 38 weeks…full term twins are 35/36.

Be prepared for LOTS of appointments and tests!

People ask a lot if we were trying for twins. HOW DO YOU TRY FOR TWINS!?

I have been asked if I am a good Catholic….what? No, I am a Lutheran who got lucky!

People want to know how I am going to feed them. Um…that is your concern because? I certainly didn’t starve any of my other kids. Why would I start now?

“Did you have sex twice in one night?”  Yes…I really did hear that comment.

“Better you than me.” Yeah, I would say so.

“Just wait until they are older. It only gets harder.” Thanks. I have other kids. I know what I am in for.

“Are they ‘paternal’ twins?” Yes, they have a father. WHAT?!?!

“You really are going to have your hands full.” Yes, and I wouldn’t want it any other way!

“Wow! You’re 15 weeks and that big? Better hope it’s two.” It is.

Mother’s of multiples are considered high risk. Even if they are healthy.

I am sure that there will be more as the time passes. Sometimes I think that people are just in so much shock that they don’t know what to say.

So, as for now, my entire family will be anxiously awaiting the arrival of our BABIES! I will continue to be nauseous. Ben will continue to deal with my roller coaster emotions. My children will have to deal with my lap being nonexistent. We will make it.

I get asked a lot how I am going to do it…I don’t know…haven’t you ever seen a Nike commercial? I will just do it.